God vs. The Unexpected

May 11, 2023. The most terrifying day of our lives. Its not something I want to celebrate, however it’s definitely something to reflect back on. It’s been 2 years today and what followed were some of the darkest days we’ve ever been through. Never could we have imagined what would happen. There aren’t enough words to describe what we have been through. No one can understand and I would never want anyone to understand. I can’t even understand and I lived it. When the ambulance doors closed as I sat in my car watching so I could follow to the nearest hospital equipped to treat stroke patients I said out loud “This is life altering”. I had no idea how true that was. It was indeed life altering in the most horrifying ways.
I have been dreading this day knowing this milestone would fall on Mother’s Day. It’s a hard thing to process. I still haven’t accepted that my healthy 51 year old husband had a stroke. A brain stem stroke at that. The fact that he is still here 2 years later after a brain stem stroke followed by all the other mysterious undiagnosed episodes is an absolute miracle. Most people that have ischemic brain stem strokes don’t survive long enough to even make it to the hospital. But God. God still has a purpose for Jimmy’s life even though he’s lost so much of what he believes made him who he is; his talents: singing, playing the guitar and piano, drawing, painting, perfect penmanship, and teaching people in fun ways about the Word of God – all those talents are gone. We pray some of that will return, but if it doesn’t, he’s still alive and has a purpose. He is still brilliant and he is back at work running the IT Department at the hospital with strength and confidence. He does a good job at everything he is able to do. He’s still determined, positive, encouraging, hopeful and enthusiastic about our future which is so inspiring. It’s miraculous.
We’ve seen God use this event in so many ways for our good. I have stumbled and even crumbled many times in the past 2 years, but my God is a redeemer. He restores. He is always waiting for us to turn back to Him. He loves to bring beauty from ashes. I believe we have already seen that and the best is yet to come!
So many people have supported us during this difficult season. Way too many to name. We’ve experienced an incredible outpouring of love and we are so appreciative. We could never repay all the people that have worked and helped in so many ways showing the true love of Jesus to us as we were suffering and afraid.
So I was dreading today but now I’m simply grateful. Grateful Jimmy is not only alive, but living life. Grateful for God’s restoration. Grateful for God’s perfect plan even if it’s way different than mine. Grateful for my boys and all they’ve learned through this. Grateful to be their mom. Grateful for my beautiful granddaughter who is an absolute ray of sunshine in our lives even on the darkest days. It shows even the tiniest light shines brightly in the darkness. Grateful for healing, physical and emotional. Grateful for salvation in Christ alone.
Happy Mother’s Day with all my love, especially to my mother who I often take for granted but I never stop needing!🌷

P. S. May is Stroke Awareness Month. Know the signs and symptoms. It can happen to anyone at any age even with few to zero risk factors. Act F. A. S. T. (Facial drooping/numbness, Arms weakness/numbness, Speech slurring/difficulty speaking, and Time – acting quickly is crucial) It could mean the difference between life and death or recovery and not recovering.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
‭‭Romans 8:28

“so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting people may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭45‬:‭6‬-‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Preserve My Life

Update: June 22, 2018

D and C is done, and to my surprise, the doctor came to me beaming as I woke up from the anesthesia. He said he was almost 100% certain all was benign! He feels sure there is absolutely no cancer. I cannot say thank You enough, Lord. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You. I want to live. You have good plans for me. You have good plans for my boys. Your plans are still to prosper. You have not forgotten us. In Jesus’ name I claim Your promises. Amen.


On June 7, 2018 I walked out of the doctor’s office with a new perspective. The wind was gently blowing on my face, but it was a hot, hot heat. It felt different than I had ever felt the summer breeze. Everything looked different. I had just received some test results that made me extremely uncomfortable. A more invasive test is necessary to find out the seriousness of this issue. It’s been less than 24 hours, and I have gone through every possible scenario my mind could imagine – at least a bazillion times.

Since the initial shock, my thoughts are a bit skewed. Songs I hear on the radio are so stupid. My previous concerns are stupid. Daily inconveniences are stupid. Memes are stupid. Facebook posts are stupid. Caring about my appearance is stupid. Seriously, what matters when facing the threat of a devastating diagnosis? And why won’t the stupid scheduling nurse call me back to schedule the procedure? Does she not realize my actual life is on hold waiting for her to finish her morning coffee, or chit chat about her stupid day off yesterday?? For mercy’s sake- call me back!

So I am trying my best to believe God is always good. I know He is. BELIEVE it, Courtney. I am reciting over and over – “I trust in You”. I do.

God, Help me trust You more. Make me brave, fearless, confident. I need You. I am not worried about myself, physically or mentally. My boys, God. Your boys that You gave me – you know the ones – they need me. You said I was the exact mother they needed. When they were little and I constantly felt like such a gigantic failure, and wished so bad that I could be better for them, You always reminded me that I was just what they needed. I have held on to that for the past 21 years. You said they needed ME. You said that, God. Don’t take me away from them yet. When they are old, and grown, and on their own, I’ll be glad to go, but please not now. I’ll go through whatever you see fit, but don’t make them suffer the loss of me. Sure, Jimmy is great. He is great at being Jimmy. He is not great at being me. You totally get that, right. You see that?

I need my perspective to change from victim to warrior, like right now. Only, not a front line warrior – the battle is the Lord’s (2 Chronicles 20:15). He will fight for me, I need only to be still (Exodus 14:14). For me, being a warrior means giving up control, and fully trusting in God. Help me, Lord. I am nothing good without You.


I give You thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart; before the gods I sing Your praise; I bow down toward Your holy temple and give thanks to Your name for Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness, for You have exalted above all things Your name and Your word. On the day I called, You answered me; my strength of soul You increased. All the kings of the earth shall give You thanks, O Lord , for they have heard the words of Your mouth, and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord , for great is the glory of the Lord. For though the Lord is high, He regards the lowly, but the haughty He knows from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life; You stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; Your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of Your hands.
Psalms 138:1‭-‬8 ESV