Christian

True Freedom

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He will swallow up death for all time, And the Lord GOD will wipe tears away from all faces, And He will remove the disgrace of His people from all the earth; For the LORD has spoken.

Isaiah 25:8

On Memorial Day in America we look back on the sacrifices that were made to gain and protect our freedom. These are good things to reflect on and be grateful for, remembering we weren’t owed such sacrifices yet they are the catalyst to our current lifestyle. Remembering is good in cases like this.

Sometimes remembering can be detrimental to us. I look back too often on my mistakes and regrets and this causes me anxiety. I get trapped in cyclical thinking about what I could have done differently and how things may have played out better in different situations.

Enough.

God already said He will remove the disgrace from His people. He’s already done everything in order to reconcile us to Himself. The chains have been broken. We should bask in that promise and learn to forgive ourselves. If God forgives us how can we still hold on to our failures? Are we better than God that we are justified in our un-forgiveness of our own selves? We should forget all that just like the Word of God says He does…

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:11-12

God doesn’t expect us to forget everything. Besides, all the past experiences good and bad make us the version of ourselves we are today and the even better version we will become in the future once we inevitably have more experiences and resources and knowledge. Maybe fully forgetting isn’t the best way to learn. Maybe we should take the past as a lesson learned and do better, however don’t dwell on the past. Peace doesn’t live in the past or in the future or in memories or even in our minds. Peace resides in the present.

Peace comes from God and one way to have the peace of God in uncertainty is to remember God’s goodness as it’s written in Psalm 77. However, God makes a point to say we should “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past” and He continues with, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

God is always doing a new thing in our lives and although Jesus said in John 13:7 “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will”, He wants us to trust and obey as well as walk in the freedom Jesus died to give us.

Why are we walking around like we still have a death sentence dwelling on our past screw ups? We’ve been set free! For those of us who believe Jesus is the Son of God and trust Him as our only hope of salvation, our shame has been undone. UNDONE.

God, I confess I walk around like I still have a death sentence at times. If I had been on death row, guilty of a horrific crime, and an innocent person chose to die in my place and lovingly let me go free, I would be forever grateful. I’d be aiming to live my life to the fullest, giving them constant thanks for each breath I don’t deserve. I only have a chance at a life of freedom because of their sacrifice. That’s reason to celebrate and share my redemption story. That is what those who fought for our freedoms we so lavishly enjoy did for us. Moreover, that’s exactly what you did, Jesus. Not only are you innocent, but You’re the Son of the Most High God. You’re the King of Glory. Royalty, yet You willingly gave Your life for mine. Thank you! Forgive me for taking what You did for granted instead of fully enjoying Your sweet freedom. I’m not bound by the chains of sin and death any longer. You have set me free! Help me live and thrive in the freedom You died to give me. Amen♥️

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

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Goodness and Mercy… Always

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“Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…”

Psalm 23:6 (ESV)

What a bold claim. Surely. 

There is no doubt detected in the shepherd’s words. He does not look to the right or to the left; he simply makes the claim that he knows with confidence that God’s goodness and mercy will always be his. He does not state that he is qualified to receive these blessings, or that he has been good so God will be good. Not at all. God is always good, and as believers we can have the same confidence that God’s goodness and mercy will follow us always. Our confidence is God’s faithfulness, not our own. Our faithfulness can be ever wavering. We are, as the book A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 by W. Phillip Keller clearly says, like sheep. 

Sheep are known to be emotionally complex, which is a very accurate way to describe humans. We often allow our emotions to dictate our lives and the way we perceive God. If we feel good we may shout from the rooftops about the goodness of God, but when we are feeling down we may tend to think God is not good. He may not have answered a prayer in the way we had prayed and hoped for. We feel disappointed and sometimes question the goodness of God in our vulnerable state of mind. This is a way the enemy can distract us from our purpose, and deceive us into believing God does not care about us. As we read in John 8:44, the enemy is a liar and the truth is not in him. When he lies he speaks his native tongue so we must be on alert. Calling to mind the Word of God reminds us that God is good all the time even when we don’t feel happy. Contentment should be our goal and we should rest in the knowledge that no matter what, God’s goodness and mercy will always follow us. 

Our minds don’t process things like our Good Shepherd. We cannot grasp His ways or His plans to love us well. We do not know what it takes to get in position to live out God’s purpose for our lives. It can at times seem like we have fallen off the path – even going backwards – when regression may be part of the path all along. We try hard to work and fix and do and make and be in our own strength and by our own powerless “power” when all we have to do is trust the Shepherd. He designed it so simply, but we make it so complex.

Psalm 23:6 is a soothing verse. We find comfort in it when life is going smoothly, but we should most definitely find comfort in this statement made by a faithful shepherd when life is going roughly.

When life circumstances are hard, we must look at the character of God. Can He be trusted? Look back to scripture. The Word of God gives us a numerous instances of God following people’s lives with goodness and mercy. Abraham saw firsthand when he was sent to Mount Moriah to sacrifice Isaac. God created nations from Isaac’s sons. God used Jacob’s life to carry on the Abrahamic Covenant. All these and more show God provides people with goodness and mercy even when a life is riddled with trials and hard circumstances. Looking at the lives of those in the Bible clearly illustrates that He can be trusted completely. 

The most impactful and meaningful way God displayed His goodness and mercy for believers is when 

“…while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”. Romans 5:8 (KJV) 

How valuable is Jesus to us. The Son of God taking the wages of sin for us who would believe shows God’s steadfast love for us.By sacrificing His Son to reconcile us, God freely gives us the ultimate portion of goodness and mercy. It is the very goodness of God that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4) and His mercy that withholds our due punishment.

When we see things in light of God’s goodness and mercy we are able to face the difficulties in life with confidence knowing He is working all things together for those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). That does not mean it will all work out as we hope, or that it will feel good in the end, but nothing will ever change the fact that He is good. Feelings do not change the truth; God is always good. Jesus is our Good Shepherd.

 

Look back on your own life and site instances where you personally saw God’s goodness.

 

When has God shown mercy in your life?

 

 What a great gift to have received goodness and mercy and to know we will continually receive these priceless treasures. Remember to reflect on these examples when things are not going how you hoped and let them be a reminder that God’s goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.

God vs. The Unexpected

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May 11, 2023. The most terrifying day of our lives. Its not something I want to celebrate, however it’s definitely something to reflect back on. It’s been 2 years today and what followed were some of the darkest days we’ve ever been through. Never could we have imagined what would happen. There aren’t enough words to describe what we have been through. No one can understand and I would never want anyone to understand. I can’t even understand and I lived it. When the ambulance doors closed as I sat in my car watching so I could follow to the nearest hospital equipped to treat stroke patients I said out loud “This is life altering”. I had no idea how true that was. It was indeed life altering in the most horrifying ways.
I have been dreading this day knowing this milestone would fall on Mother’s Day. It’s a hard thing to process. I still haven’t accepted that my healthy 51 year old husband had a stroke. A brain stem stroke at that. The fact that he is still here 2 years later after a brain stem stroke followed by all the other mysterious undiagnosed episodes is an absolute miracle. Most people that have ischemic brain stem strokes don’t survive long enough to even make it to the hospital. But God. God still has a purpose for Jimmy’s life even though he’s lost so much of what he believes made him who he is; his talents: singing, playing the guitar and piano, drawing, painting, perfect penmanship, and teaching people in fun ways about the Word of God – all those talents are gone. We pray some of that will return, but if it doesn’t, he’s still alive and has a purpose. He is still brilliant and he is back at work running the IT Department at the hospital with strength and confidence. He does a good job at everything he is able to do. He’s still determined, positive, encouraging, hopeful and enthusiastic about our future which is so inspiring. It’s miraculous.
We’ve seen God use this event in so many ways for our good. I have stumbled and even crumbled many times in the past 2 years, but my God is a redeemer. He restores. He is always waiting for us to turn back to Him. He loves to bring beauty from ashes. I believe we have already seen that and the best is yet to come!
So many people have supported us during this difficult season. Way too many to name. We’ve experienced an incredible outpouring of love and we are so appreciative. We could never repay all the people that have worked and helped in so many ways showing the true love of Jesus to us as we were suffering and afraid.
So I was dreading today but now I’m simply grateful. Grateful Jimmy is not only alive, but living life. Grateful for God’s restoration. Grateful for God’s perfect plan even if it’s way different than mine. Grateful for my boys and all they’ve learned through this. Grateful to be their mom. Grateful for my beautiful granddaughter who is an absolute ray of sunshine in our lives even on the darkest days. It shows even the tiniest light shines brightly in the darkness. Grateful for healing, physical and emotional. Grateful for salvation in Christ alone.
Happy Mother’s Day with all my love, especially to my mother who I often take for granted but I never stop needing!🌷

P. S. May is Stroke Awareness Month. Know the signs and symptoms. It can happen to anyone at any age even with few to zero risk factors. Act F. A. S. T. (Facial drooping/numbness, Arms weakness/numbness, Speech slurring/difficulty speaking, and Time – acting quickly is crucial) It could mean the difference between life and death or recovery and not recovering.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
‭‭Romans 8:28

“so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting people may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭45‬:‭6‬-‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

April 11, 2024 – almost a year out and he was actively having debilitating episodes except for on this day! Thanks be to God for letting Jimmy attend and enjoy Caison’s and Madison’s gorgeous wedding 🤍🖤

Faith>Fear

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“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31‬:‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Fear holds us back in life more than anything. There are all kinds of different fears people have that hold them back from reaching their dreams and full potential. 

This doesn’t apply to everyone, however I think the fear of letting others know who we REALLY are is one of the biggest threats to real connections with other people. Not only romantic relationships, but our relationships with friends, coworkers, church friends, family members, everyone we encounter. 

Fear causes us to wear proverbial masks, and there are many to choose from depending on present company. I’ve always found it incredibly interesting yet terribly sad that when we first meet someone we feel more free to speak about anything, however once we get a peek behind their mask or they see behind ours we tend to clam up. 

Before any life experiences I expected it would be the opposite. Once we got to know someone we would be more free to be ourselves was my initial thought. Unfortunately, sometimes what happens when we get to know someone, we tend to understand more about their likes and dislikes so we try to conform to what we perceive they want us to be. That’s a big mistake. 

We should never keep relationships that cause us to be anyone other than who we are. We shouldn’t have to be around people that don’t fully accept us. 

For every one person who we aren’t their cup of tea there are at least 100 others that see our value. Those are our people. They see our shine and they like our presence. They are the core members of our life groups and we should keep them close as they keep us close in a give and take reciprocal and respectful relationship. 

Don’t be afraid to be yourself. God made you how He intended you to be. Discover that and live in it. Whoever falls away from us for being ourselves are meant to go. Let them. Let them go live their best life. The main thing is that you live your best as well. 

Life is too short to live in fear. Both fear and faith demand us to believe in something we cannot see. Choose faith. 

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11‬:‭1‬ ‭NIV

Faith also saves us from eternal separation from God our Father. What a reason to chose faith…

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭8‬-‭9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Afflicted

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I haven’t written a blog post that could be published in a long time. I have been bitter. Bitter at life and God. Jimmy had a stroke on May 11, 2023 and it destroyed our lives as we knew them.

After the shock wore off I was ready to tackle the situation and do whatever I could to get Jimmy back to himself. That didn’t happen. My efforts were futile. It hurt. I was mad.

I eventually tried to renew my relationship with God. I looked back over journals and scriptures and declarations I had written down and that only made me more bitter. I had tried and look what happened! The unthinkable. The unimaginable. Why even try? Why put the work into a relationship with God when He allows such affliction?

I came across a journal entry I had made from probably 3-4 years ago. It started with how much I had always loved this verse:

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21

The thing is, the verse before says:

Though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. Isaiah 30:20

This is why we should never cherry pick verses. We need the full context to understand God’s Word. All the famous verses people like to refer to are often cherry picked. For example, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Yes that’s great and that’s a great verse, but in context, you’ll see that Paul was talking about the ability to overcome hardship and persecution as a Christian, not playing select baseball or dancing on a high school drill team. We have learned to minimize the Word of God applying it to insignificant or mundane daily life. We should always apply God’s Word to our daily lives, however, there is a fine line between using it and twisting it.

So anyway, back to affliction. No one wants to talk about that but it’s all over the Word of God. He speaks of using affliction in our lives multiple times. To name a few-

Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I keep your Word. Psalm 119:67

It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. Psalm 119:71

He delivers the afflicted by their affliction and opens their ear by adversity. Job 36:15

But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish. Psalm 9:18

And this one doesn’t mention affliction specifically but pretty poignant when it says,

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again from the depths of the Earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. Psalm 71:20-21

These are some verses that most won’t bring up but, affliction is part of life and we need to know that BEFORE it strikes us so we’re prepared to lean on Jesus during our affliction as “we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose”. Romans 8:28

I know I need Jesus. I can’t do life without the Author of it. I want to draw close to God so He will draw close to me as the Word of God promises in James 4:8. I am praying, reading the Bible, and studying the best way I know how. I began reading a book given to me by a friend. It’s second chapter is about Joseph vs. Potipher’s wife. As I read the story, the Holy Spirit impressed upon me something very important and eye opening: Joseph was nothing but faithful yet his life is riddled with affliction. He never said “I tried and You let awful things happen to me.” No, he just remained faithful wherever he was and whatever life threw at him… and so did God.

In chapter 39 of Genesis you will read that God remained faithful to Joseph. It says the Lord was with Joseph and he prospered (Genesis 39:2). No matter his circumstances, Joseph always lived in God’s favor. God promoted Joseph even in prison (Genesis 39:20-23). This was a total epiphany for me. How could I believe I could be good enough to make only good things come my way especially when I’m not good at all?

Thank you for new revelation Lord Jesus. Your Word is alive and active and I well know that now. Help me remain faithful even in affliction; certainly in affliction. It’ll all be worth the Crown of Life in the end. Eternal life is the gift only You can give and I thank You for it.

Be gracious.

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There are lots and lots of people on Earth, and each one comes with an opinion, as we well know.

In the unexpectedly mild aftermath of Hurricane Laura for my immediate area, some are ungrateful, and complaining that they were “inconvenienced” by the evacuation for “no reason”. They list many reasons why this whole thing was an overreaction, and why it shouldn’t have been so hyped up.

On the contrary, some are very grateful, and realize the evacuation wasn’t for no reason. Had the storm remained on track, and not jogged 30 miles East at the exact ideal second for us, we would be in Lake Charles’ shoes. We could have hardly anything recognizable to go back to. They believe God had mercy on SETX, sparing us from devastation at a time when some are still recovering from Harvey, Imelda, and the TPC explosion.

Then there are the ones who think it’s selfish to be grateful, because, as I said stated to several people before the storm made landfall, who is God going to favor when everyone is praying for the same thing? I understand all points of view, and normally try to empathize with everyone.

Except I get so angry when people with their big opinions, and their keyboard warrior courage, get online and start bashing ways of thinking that differ from their own.

Why post complaints, and who tries to publicly shame thankful people for being thankful?

I remember reading people’s commentary about how thankful they were when water came just to the edge of their doorways during Harvey, but they “prayed so hard”, and God spared them. I thought, “Well, good for you. I guess God hates me because I prayed as well, and 2 feet of water flooded my brand new home, so why don’t you go be happy with your dry self, and shut up”… but I didn’t actually address them; I said it to myself. Of course, God doesn’t hate anyone, and He had a good plan for me and my family all along. It was hard in the moment, but we received the strength we needed at the moment we needed it.

I also get that we shouldn’t only be thankful, and not care for the well being of others. We should go be a helper, and look for ways to serve those in need since we were spared.

I don’t have any actual answers, but my thoughts are like this: We don’t understand the sovereignty of God. Why even try? Look at all the awfulness in the world. We can’t make what we see happening all around us match up to what we know about the good character of God. He loved us enough to send Jesus to reconcile us to Himself, yet He allows so much pain and incomprehensible suffering for those His Son died to save. Sometimes it’s hard to wrap our heads around that.

Regarding this major hurricane that we just escaped from, it simply wasn’t our turn this time, and that doesn’t mean it won’t be again later. But mainly, the point is, we need to realize in ALL circumstances God is good. He allows what He allows, and sometimes we don’t like it, but sometimes we do. In 2017, we didn’t like it one bit, but Louisiana was spared, and they liked it, and were happy to assist all over SETX. This time we mostly like how things went, and we should be happy to help where we can.

The fact is, it’s early yet. September has been known to send some monster storms. Being all judge-y and stupid is not a good idea. Why can’t people just give each other grace? I need a LOT, and I try to give some because, thankfully, I get a lot.

“Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’”

Matthew 18:33 NLT

Preserve My Life

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Update: June 22, 2018

D and C is done, and to my surprise, the doctor came to me beaming as I woke up from the anesthesia. He said he was almost 100% certain all was benign! He feels sure there is absolutely no cancer. I cannot say thank You enough, Lord. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You. I want to live. You have good plans for me. You have good plans for my boys. Your plans are still to prosper. You have not forgotten us. In Jesus’ name I claim Your promises. Amen.

On June 7, 2018 I walked out of the doctor’s office with a new perspective. The wind was gently blowing on my face, but it was a hot, hot heat. It felt different than I had ever felt the summer breeze. Everything looked different. I had just received some test results that made me extremely uncomfortable. A more invasive test is necessary to find out the seriousness of this issue. It’s been less than 24 hours, and I have gone through every possible scenario my mind could imagine – at least a bazillion times.

Since the initial shock, my thoughts are a bit skewed. Songs I hear on the radio are so stupid. My previous concerns are stupid. Daily inconveniences are stupid. Memes are stupid. Facebook posts are stupid. Caring about my appearance is stupid. Seriously, what matters when facing the threat of a devastating diagnosis? And why won’t the stupid scheduling nurse call me back to schedule the procedure? Does she not realize my actual life is on hold waiting for her to finish her morning coffee, or chit chat about her stupid day off yesterday?? For mercy’s sake- call me back!

So I am trying my best to believe God is always good. I know He is. BELIEVE it, Courtney. I am reciting over and over – “I trust in You”. I do.

God, Help me trust You more. Make me brave, fearless, confident. I need You. I am not worried about myself, physically or mentally. My boys, God. Your boys that You gave me – you know the ones – they need me. You said I was the exact mother they needed. When they were little and I constantly felt like such a gigantic failure, and wished so bad that I could be better for them, You always reminded me that I was just what they needed. I have held on to that for the past 21 years. You said they needed ME. You said that, God. Don’t take me away from them yet. When they are old, and grown, and on their own, I’ll be glad to go, but please not now. I’ll go through whatever you see fit, but don’t make them suffer the loss of me. Sure, Jimmy is great. He is great at being Jimmy. He is not great at being me. You totally get that, right. You see that?

I need my perspective to change from victim to warrior, like right now. Only, not a front line warrior – the battle is the Lord’s (2 Chronicles 20:15). He will fight for me, I need only to be still (Exodus 14:14). For me, being a warrior means giving up control, and fully trusting in God. Help me, Lord. I am nothing good without You.

I give You thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart; before the gods I sing Your praise; I bow down toward Your holy temple and give thanks to Your name for Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness, for You have exalted above all things Your name and Your word. On the day I called, You answered me; my strength of soul You increased. All the kings of the earth shall give You thanks, O Lord , for they have heard the words of Your mouth, and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord , for great is the glory of the Lord. For though the Lord is high, He regards the lowly, but the haughty He knows from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life; You stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand delivers me. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; Your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of Your hands.
Psalms 138:1‭-‬8 ESV

Fix it Jesus.

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Oh, my mind. My thoughts. They are sooo many. Sometimes I get so caught up in them that I actually lose my breath. Thoughts bounce around in my brain like that alien gadget that Will Smith, as Agent J, accidentally sends flying around the room during his first day at the MIB headquarters.

I’m caught up in the should-a, would-a, could-a trap. I’m freaking out thinking, why can’t I go back and do things better. I see myself running to Jesus with this big mess I’ve made, and when I get to Him, all I can say is, “Fix it, Jesus”.

And He says, be still. Nothing is too hard for me. All things work together for good, even what you see as a mess. You cannot deny that there are many things you absolutely do not want to change. If you could go back, you may really wreak havoc – so stop. I’ve got it all. I am the solution to your every problem. I am the answer to your every question. I am the peace in your chaos. I am all you need. Drop your mess, and hold on so tightly to Me that you can’t pick it back up.

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

Isaiah 26:3

Love Never Stops Loving

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Like a lot of people, I sometimes wrestle with feelings of rejection – and as with most adult issues, it stems from childhood. Not rejection from my parents, at all. My parents actually built me up to believe that I was so accepted, that the first time I realized someone actually didn’t like me, I was absolutely shocked. Like, it totally blew my mind that someone would dare have something bad to say about me. Ha!

I had a best friend growing up. A true BFF. We met when we were 5, and we were inseparable. We had all the “best friend” paraphernalia, like the heart necklaces that had “BE FRI” on one half, and “ST ENDS” on the other. We went everywhere together, we spoke in movie quotes, liked all the same songs, dreamed of one day marrying brothers, and living next door to each other. We had lots of fun, and sometimes got into lots of trouble together. Oh, the stories. This was a 13 year friendship, which isn’t really that long considering some, but so many stages of life occur in those particular 13 years, that it seems like it was so much longer.

It wasn’t always perfect though. Something happened as we progressed through the years. My BFF found other friends. I took it hard. I had been completely satisfied with just her. I loved that everyone was envious of the special bond we had. I liked that I never had to worry about who I would pair up with in school activities. I liked that when we weren’t together people would ask me where my shadow was. I had a really tough time when she started hanging out with other friends because sometimes I wasn’t included.

Rejection.

Things would change many times throughout our school years, and I would always gladly take my place as her #1 friend at anytime. To this day, I love her deeply, and we talk on occasion. We always aim to “get together and catch up”, although in the busyness of life, we haven’t been able to in years. I realize now that it was perfectly healthy for her to explore other friendships. It was normal. I had isolated myself from everyone else, because I was fine with one friend, but that’s not the way it should be. It put me in the position of being alone when she decided to hang out with someone else.

So, yeah, middle school was a problem, since everyone is trying to find where they fit in this puzzle called life. High school was much better for me, as I found other friends too, but that’s when I fell for a boy who loved himself way more than he could ever love anyone else. That relationship was toxic and destructive for a 15 year old girl. It lasted way too long, and I sometimes still find myself suffering the effects. Not that I think about the dumb boy anymore, but as they say, you never forget how you are made to feel, and he made me feel really bad far too often. I couldn’t grasp how someone could go from hot to cold in an instant. It didn’t make sense to me.

Rejection.

These two relationships formed at delicate stages in my life. The traumatic effects have reared their ugly heads from time to time throughout my relationships since. My boyfriends after that one, my husband, my other friendships, and my work relationships are all affected to some degree by my fear, and almost expectancy, of rejection. Even when I think I feel secure in the relationship, I’m subconsciously waiting for the other person to change their mind. I’m certain in my own mind that they are not 100% invested. That’s so incredibly unfair to the other party.

So, as I try my best to overcome insecure feelings woven into even my closest relationships, I find myself pondering my relationship with Jesus. This analysis has revealed to me that I am relating to Him in the same way. I have myself convinced His love is conditional. I’m so wrong.

The Bible says God loves me in spite of me, because while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8). Also, God is love (1 John 4:8), and love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).

The Passion Translation expresses that particular verse in 1 Corinthians beautifully. It says, “Love never stops loving”.

Never. Stops. Loving.

What a comforting thought. We can rest completely in this perfect truth.

Also, Jesus understands rejection. He was, and still is, rejected by so many that He died to save. Even those that truly loved Him rejected Him in His time of greatest need, including his BFF.

But before this takes place, the Son of Man must pass through great suffering and rejection from this generation.

Luke 17:25 TPT

He came to the very people He created – to those who should recognize Him, but they did not receive Him.

John 1:11 TPT

He was completely aware this would transpire, and even predicted it, but He willingly stays close to us all out of His reckless love for us – because love never stops loving.

I know God wants me to overcome my fear of rejection. He wants me to love without being limited by protective walls built in fear of being denied love reciprocated. He wants me to take my focus off what other people think of me. He wants me to realize that even if the whole world turns it’s back on me, I am still accepted by my Creator.

As for people in my life – some are in my life for a season, others for a lifetime. Some are lessons to me, while to some, I am a lesson. Some leave my life with great memories; some leave with bitterness. Either way, God allows me to go through it, and He will use it for His purpose.

If you’re reading this, and you share the rejection struggle, please know this – we live in a controlled environment. Nothing we go through is a surprise to God. If we are rejected by someone we interact with, or even someone we truly care about, we must release them knowing either God is saving us from disaster, or they have simply completed their task in our lives.

Of course, this is super easy to say, but when our hearts are on the line, the stakes are high. All we can do is be ourselves, give our best to those we come in contact with, and trust that we are held by the one Who created our heart. If it gets broken, He knows just how to put it back together.

I’m so thankful for the secure relationships God has given me in my adult life. I still have my parents and my older brother, I have an incredibly devoted husband that unconditionally loves me in words & deed, my 3 beautiful sons that each adore me, an abundance of beautiful friendships, and even some wonderful workplace friendships. Most importantly, I have my relationship with Jesus. This is where I can rest assured knowing He never stops loving me.

Expectations of People & Hopes

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I was really overwhelmed this morning with sadness. My sweet husband got the privilege of having all my yuck poured out onto him, and with tears. Later, he asked me if my day had improved. Here’s the thing though – my day is not the problem, it’s my outlook. What has to improve is my perspective. I have to be OK with disappointment in my expectations of people, and the way I think things should be. I have to rest in the fact that there is a reason for unrealized hopes & dreams, even though it hurts. I must press in. I must continue to believe there is hope for the future even when the pattern of my life seems heavy with let downs. I have to believe that won’t always be the case.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
Isaiah 43:18‭-‬19 NIV