Oh, Caison , my precious middle child. From the beginning the thought of having a second child gave me anxiety. Could I do this all again? But once I decided I wanted another baby, I could not shake the desire. I never thought I would have any issues, so when I had to go through some infertility treatment, I realized having another child had never been my choice anyway. I prayed and prayed that God would give us another baby, and finally, a year later I found I was expecting you. God’s timing is perfect.

I had a pretty smooth pregnancy with Haydn, so I planned for my pregnancy with you to go about the same. It did until the final weeks when my gestational diabetes caused a nutrition imbalance for you. I had gone for my normal checkup and the doctor said you were in danger. Your head was measuring too big, so he determined that due to the imbalance, your brain was taking all the nutrients and hindering the growth of your body. He told me to go to the hospital and prepare to be induced- 5.5 weeks early. There were risks associated and elevated since a baby boy’s lungs develop slower than a baby girl so we should expect you to have to be on a ventilator in the NICU for at least a couple of weeks. God’s perfect timing though.

The next morning, March 26, 2002, I was induced, and I kept telling the nurse, “the baby is coming”. She was not kind and kept yelling at me to stop pushing, which I was NOT. She began to break down the bed, but thankfully stopped for reasons unknown (God’s timing). She then stepped outside to yell down the hall for the doctor implying that I was non-compliant, which again, I was NOT. While she was throwing her fit, you proceeded to push your way out and basically fell on the bed. So, yeah, all her yelling and ugliness did nothing to stop God’s timing.

To everyone’s surprise, your lungs were fully developed, and you spent zero hours in the NICU. They cleaned you up, and brought you to me, and you stared into my eyes for hours. You never took your eyes off my eyes. I know your thoughts were probably as they are now: What am I going to do next? What’s going to happen? Oh, my deep thinking Caison. Just like your momma in so many ways, God help you.

As you’ve grown you have experienced God’s timing in many ways. Everyone does, of course, but you’ve been very aware since in most instances His timing has not matched yours. You’ve had to wait and work hard for friends and girlfriends, recognition in your sports accomplishments, pets, your vehicle, and sometimes even a place to call home. God’s timing has always been just right.

Now it’s your graduation day, and you’re waiting again. God’s plan didn’t include an average senior year, and I’m thankful for that. He’s given you an outstanding year from your incredible football season, to being a peer tutor, all the gifts and goodies from Mrs. Johnson and your adopt a senior parents, MID-COUNTY MADNESS!!!, the opportunity to go visit colleges, and finally deciding to play at HPU. I know you want to know how it’s all going to go, and you can’t wait to just get started and move and live and be an adult, but please remember God’s timing. There are plenty of days to be an adult. Like I have to remind myself so often- do one day at a time and enjoy that day while it can be enjoyed. It’ll go by fast and then the next one is already here, and before you can process that day, it’s gone and the next one comes at you. Drink in each day like a refreshing, cold glass of water, and thank God for His perfect timing.

You’ve got a bright and lovely future ahead with Jesus by your side. I love you. You’re everything I prayed for and so much more. I’m so thankful God sent you when He knew the time was right. He is always right on time.

Happy Graduation day to my PNG Senior, class of 2020! 💜Mom

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.

1Samuel 1:27

Ohhh my – am I a talker! I love to talk. Let’s just talk it alll out. I like to dive in and dissect every thought, feeling, and action; my own and otherwise.

As much as I enjoy chit chat among friends and family I’m not a huge fan of talking to random strangers in waiting rooms and such. I do not look around and try to make eye contact in order to engage in conversation with another waiting person. My mother does that and I’m like, “Mom. No ma’am. Absolutely not.”

So waiting to be called back for blood work a few days ago I was doing my best to look uninterested in striking up a new friendship.

There were 3 chairs along the wall and I sat in the one nearest the corner. I put my purse and paperwork in the chair next to me and I started *applying makeup*.

Yes – I did.

Not just a touch up either. I totally walked in bare faced so we’re talking moisturizer, foundation, eyeliner – the works.

Apparently this behavior seemed inviting to Mr. Lloyd.

Mr. Lloyd appeared to be in his early 60s I would guess. Dressed casually in shorts, T-shirt, tennis shoes, dingy off white crew cut socks, grey hair and glasses. Just a regular man.

There were at least a dozen empty seats throughout the office but he went right ahead and sat in the one next to my purse and menagerie of makeup and belongings. Of course I was thinking, “Really?? This is the chair you’re going to choose? Could you not sit in any one of the other dozen or so empty seats? I’m clearly wanting lots of personal space over here.”

Still – nothing about my set up or the vibe I was trying to put off made me seem unapproachable to this nice man. He just sat right down in my territory.

I didn’t look up.

Across the room there is was an elderly man having an awkward and excessively loud conversation with a stranger next to him. He was telling this lady every detail of his past. Consequently the whole office was learning about Mr. Lake as well. I know his name because he said it multiple times. Again, very high volume. He preceded to spill that he had 10 children with 2 different wives of which had both passed away.

At that, I did look up.

Mr. Lloyd was looking at me grinning and we both agreed we couldn’t imagine that many mouths to feed.

And so began the conversation between Mr. Lloyd and I.

He found it comical that I had made an appointment but the patients who came in after me as “walk ins” were being called back before me. I was not as amused.

I was all uptight because I purposely arrived extra early so I would be able to eat breakfast with Jimmy in the hospital cafeteria and still get to work on time. With every name that was called before mine I became increasingly agitated. All my thoughts were focused on myself and my own agenda for the day.

Mr. Lloyd had an entirely different agenda. He was looking for an open door to give me a very specific warning. He wanted to tell me about something he had experienced in order to save me and anyone I knew from future misery. He had recently experienced a medical misfortune. He was prescribed a common antibiotic earlier this year that carried the risk of a rare complication. Sadly Mr. Lloyd was one of the statistics. After only 3 pills his Achilles’ tendon hardened and snapped. He could not walk and had to have surgery to repair the tendon. He showed me the scar. It was definitely fresh. He is just now able to walk again without the knee scooter.

What stopped me in my tracks is this: he said, “I tell my story to everyone I come in contact with so they can be warned”.

Wow. At that moment the Holy Spirit impressed upon me very clearly that I also have a warning to share with everyone I come in contact with – but I don’t. Why? There are many poor excuses I could give but the dominant ones are 1. I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me. 2. I feel I am a pathetic witness for Jesus because of my negativity and day to day behavior. And 3. I am too self absorbed with my personal responsibilities and problems.

How incredibly selfish does that sound?

My warning? There is life after death and if you don’t surrender to Jesus as Savior, Hell is your destination. The Achilles’ tendon thing is pretty bad – but Hell, I assure you, is way worse.

So when I’m having all these conversations that I so love to participate in, what am I talking about if I’m not telling people I care about – much less strangers – that they need to give their hearts and lives to Jesus? And with urgency. I’m talking about absolutely nothing. Idle words. A whole lot of them.

Jesus said, “And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgement day for every idle word you speak.” Matthew 12:36 NLT

That is an overwhelmingly frightful thought. I am extremely thankful for God’s grace so freely given.

Moreover, not all my words are exactly idle. Some actually cause *harm*.

“The tongue can bring death or life”

Proverbs 18:21 NLT

Gasp.

That is the part I am so ashamed of. Not only am I more often than not ignoring the Great Commandment to share the Good News of Jesus Christ and not pounding with desire to help lead people to a saving knowledge of Him, I could actually be turning them away from receiving the free gift of eternal life with my idiotic-ness.

God, forgive me. Friends and family, forgive me. Please hear me. Jesus willingly died on a cross to pay a debt we could never pay. “There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12 NLT

That means no amount of goodness that is in us can ever mend the brokenness between God and us. As a matter of fact, the Bible says, “When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags.” Isaiah 64:6 NLT

We are born into sin. We may not like that fact but it doesn’t make it any less true. There is nothing we can do about our sinful nature. That is why in the Old Testament there had to be a blood sacrifice periodically to atone for the sins of the people. That blood sacrifice was usually the blood of a spotless lamb. At last, God had mercy and sent His only Son to be the forever spotless Lamb.

For us.

And we do not have to do one single thing to earn God’s grace. That is what grace is. Unmerited favor.

I became a true Believer at the age of 18. Before my conversion I had followed religious traditions and hoped in the end my good would outweigh my bad. After all, I was a pretty “good” person. The problem with that is no where in the Bible does it ever say there will be a big scale weighing our good against our bad – but I didn’t know the Bible. When Jimmy had the boldness and courage to share the Truth with me, I got hung up on the whole “you don’t have to be good to go to Heaven” thing. How can this be true? I had spent my entire 18 years trying to do all the good things so the scale would tip in my favor. Then Jimmy showed me the verse that filled in all the gaps:

“God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this: it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”

Ephesians 2:8-9 NLT

It’s not about doing (or not doing), it’s about believing. Faith. That is how Abram was saved. His faith was credited to him as righteousness (Genesis 15:6). It still takes faith, but it is so much easier now since we have the power of the Holy Spirit to draw us.

This is serious. This is a literal life and death matter. Think back. Has there ever been a point in your life when you’ve realized you couldn’t be good enough to get your own self to heaven? Did you surrender to Jesus then knowing He was your only hope? If not please do so. Make sure you know where you are going because each us has an predetermined number of days this side of heaven.

“Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgement, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many…”

Hebrews 9:27-28a NIV

Please consider these scriptures as evidence of the Truth:

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. – Romans 3:23

(all = every person)

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Romans 6:23

(it is a GIFT)

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8

(while were still sinners – no cleaning yourself up before coming to Him is required)

If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. -Romans 10:9-10 ESV

(confess and believe)

Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. -Romans 10:13

(again – every person)

Lord, I pray each and every person reading this has their heart softened by Your Word. I ask Your forgiveness for those I have had access to and blew it. I have regrets over those countless missed opportunities. Please continue to have grace and mercy toward me. Please open the spiritual eyes and ears of those who have yet to surrender to their need for You. Thank You for loving us so much that You would send your precious Son to reconcile us to You if we simply believe and ask. Jesus, thank You for being obedient to the death. Thank You for the power of the resurrection and it’s undeniable ability to defeat death. Thank You for making a way when there was no way. You are “the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through [You].” John 14:6- Please remove all doubt and fear from the hearts of those who desperately need You even though they may not realize it. Let them see You clearly and never judge You from what they see in people. Be glorified. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Thank you, God. You ALWAYS provide. You make a way where there is no way. That’s what You do. That’s Who You are. Thank You for allowing me to witness and experience that aspect of You firsthand. You never cease to amaze me. You never let me down. I am not alone. You have us. Thank You. ❤️

Life is a daily thing. Most of life isn’t the big moments. Love your “daily” and find God in those moments. Find delight in your little things, and look for the beauty in the relationships entrusted to you. – Moral Revolution

Saturday was a bad day. NOTHING went the way I’d hoped. No. Thing. It had begun full of excitement and promise, but ended up being such a let down. I was running it all through my mind that night when I decided to send my friend this photo I had seen a few days before. I didn’t just send the photo though. I added my own comments as well- whine, complain, moan, groan, poor pitiful me.

The reply I received was unexpected: “Sorry to hear. BTW – I love socks. Getting socks is one of the best gifts there is”.

I didn’t think much of it at first. I just giggled at the seemingly lighthearted response, which was good because I had been so tightly wound. The words kept tugging at me though. I re-read my friend’s reply a couple of times when it hit me – they meant I should be thankful for days like this. My first thought was kind of snarky, of course. I said to myself, “Yeah, that’s great. Socks are great. I like a nice pair of socks. But you know what? I ALWAYS get socks. How about diamonds for a change?? I like diamonds too.”

Then I began to think of all the people that would love for the biggest problem with their son to be that he didn’t get to play in the varsity football game that day. It wasn’t drugs, alcohol, teen pregnancy, or any of the other issues I hear of people dealing with on a daily basis. It wasn’t even disrespect, disobedience, or waywardness. It was just a brokenhearted boy who had given his all for a long time, and didn’t get the prize – not yet anyway.

The day could have been SOOO much worse. Like – very much worse. We’ve been through days that were so hard I would have given almost anything for a day like that Saturday. During some of our roughest trials I have longed for simple, mundane days, or just anything that resembled normal. Saturday may not have been very exciting, even a bit disappointing, but still a gift. There is beauty to be found in days like these.

All around us, terrible circumstances exist. I am so grateful for 3 healthy, relatively spoiled boys. They are fine. They have victories, they have disappointments, just like everyone else. They are living this thing called life, and I don’t have to worry about them. I pray for them and wait expectantly for God to answer my prayers for their lives. He is working, even when I cannot see it; even when it feels like we have baskets full of socks. If I could pause and be thankful I believe I would see there are diamonds among them. If I can’t find the diamonds, I realize now that socks are pretty nice too.